I have been thinking a lot about my same sex experiences. I haven't had one since that night with Gary when I was 21. I think about those times a lot, and I find a strange pleasure of re-living them by writing about those here. There are times when those memories dominate my mind while I am masturbating. I think about Sam, or Gary, or what-have you. Sometimes what plays in my mind is a real thing from my past, or I fantasize about something that I'd like to do.
This past week I was on vacation. I took some time to get some reading done, relaxed a lot, slept in. Thursday night I went bar hopping with some of my friends. There was a handful of guys and girls. One of the guys is one of the coolest people I have ever met. His name is David. David, for one, is gay. Two - he is one of the best looking people I've ever met, male or female. The way he carries himself, the nature of his well spoken (and soft spoken) ability, his ability to accept everyone as they are and take in each situation as it is...truly a rare person. Someone that you spend time with and feel more peaceful. If any of you watch Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, David looks a lot like Jai.
David also has the ability to be trashed and not seem to be trashed. A little disturbing, actually. When I get too drunk I get emotional about the dumbest things, way too talkative, entirely too honest for my own good...David is just chill. I guess it goes along well with his personality, his drunk demeanor isn't a huge departure from his "real" one.
We partied until 1am, hit a Denny's, and cabbed back to Lorana's. We lost most of the people. It was Lorana, the guy she's seeing, myself, and Karen. We sat around sipping water and talking. Lorana and her man called it a night. Karen offered to sleep on the couch and said the boys could have the bed.
David and I head upstairs. I asked if he was comforable in my being in my boxers and a shirt and he said as long as I was comfortable in him doing the same. It was really hot and we both decided the "cool" thing to do would be to sleep on top of the covers. Laying there we shot the breeze for what seemed forever. Normally when I've been drinking all night I get tired easily. The conversaion was vert capivating. We talked about everything from childhood pets to college.
His sexuality came up and he shared stories about when he came out, how his best friends stopped talking to him, his relationship with his father became strained, he basically had to start over with his social circle. I told him that under those circumstances it makes his personality that much more amazing, it would have been very easy to pull inside himself and be very jaded and bitter towards people.
David atated that he really enjoyed my company, usually even the coolest straight people aren't as accepting, there is always some sort of "woft wall" - an area where you can get close, but not too close. He said that he didn't know one straight man that would be comfortable sharing a bed with him...although he wouldn't dream of being attracted to them anyway.
I laughed and told him that I was straight, but we all have our secrets. Then I jokingly said it's too bad that he's not attracted to any straight guys at all. David laughed and said "yeah right, if I kissed you I bet you'd jump out of this bed faster than I could say 'one' and run for your life." We were laying on our sides facing each other while talking. I have very limited experience kissing another guy, and that's generally the last thing I ever think about while thinking about same sex experiences, but the thought of David kissing me was exciting me greatly.
I told him that for someone that accepted things around him so easily, he sure did assume an awful lot about things as well. David looked at me and asked me point blank, with a disbelief in his voice like I was trying to pull a fast one on him, "you'd let me kiss you?"
I didn't answer him, I simply leaned forward and put a very deep semi open mouthed kiss on him. There was simply something about his humanity that had been such a turn on all night. Not so much a sexual turn on (although certainly that is part of it)...but a turn on that just makes you want to be closer to the person.
I layed on my back with David sprawled over me a little and we kissed. Softly, our tongues exploring each other. My hands in his hair and, strangely enough, not feeling any bit of uncomfort. Kissing David felt very right. Kiss lips were very soft, as was the touch of his hands. He trailed his finger up and down my neck while kissing me which was driving me nuts.
I certainly felt as though that David didn't feel comfortable progessing unless I made the first move each time. I think that his thought process towards me is that I was a straight man that was nice to him...and maybe I would come to my "senses" at any time.
I could feel his cock pressed against me, hard as a rock. I trailed my finger down his chest and stomach. I reached into his boxer shorts and softly gripped his cock, rubbing and tracing my finger over the head of it. His cock head was wet, precum leaking out. His cock was amazing and very large. If I had to guess I would think it was at least 7 or 8 inches long and thick. I slowly pumped my fist up and down on his cock as he kissed me.
Even with that, David made no move to touch me beyond the kissing. I took his hand and guided it between my legs. He reached inside my boxers and started stroking me as well. I started to move to take his cock into my mouth and he gently held me by my shoulders. He whispered if I have a condom and I said no, I didn't. He didn't either and he doesn't feel right about unprotected sex with someone unless they've been tested together.
Insecurity gripped me as I thought that he wasn't into this at all and I completely overstepped. That was quickly quelled when he kissed me very deeply and continued to stroke me. I could feel his smile as our lips were together and he whispered "we can still play, it's okay." We took each other's shirts and shorts off and just enjoyed kissing, touching, stroking. David kissed my chest and flicked his tongue over my nipples, driving me crazy.
I was laying, facing David, stroking his large, hard cock with my left hand and positioned upside down. David suddenly gripped my shoulders and put his head on my chest and I could tell that he was going to cum. He moaned softly and kissed me and I felt his cock tense up, and then I felt cum hit my stomach twice.
I kept stroking his cum drenched cock until he laughed and pushed my hand away. "Your turn" he said, taking me in his hand and stroking me up and down. Moments later I, too, was cumming, sputing on my stomach. We giggled like little kids, looking for something to clean up the cum with and then turned in.
The next morning we were along in Lorana's apartment as she and eveyone else had to work. David didn't have to be in until later. We went for a cup of coffee together and had a really nice talk. He asked if he could see me again, would I like to have dinner with him Saturday night?
Suddenly a certain terror crept over me as I realized that he's asking me on a date. A date? Me? With a man? Knee jerk reaction I quickly said yes. As the day went on, me back home alone, I was second guessing the heck out of myself. I mean...all my exploits with guys are sexual. Just sex. No feelings, I mean...having feelings for a man would make me gay, wouldn't it? I mean, how could I be gay? I LOVE women...I mean...a lot.
I found myself not able to escape the idea of hanging out with David again. He called last night and I told him everything that I was feeling? Did I want to cancel? I told him no. Would I be more comfortable staying in? Get a movie, some wine, whatever? I told him that I wanted him to pick.
So, I'm going to his place and he's cooking me dinner. I spent a lot of time soul searching this one and realized something very important. Feelings for someone don't need to be a male or female level. One of the greatest attractions about David is his humanity, and it just happens that he has a penis. if David was the exact same person, only female, I would be having the same feelings.
I realized that I'm scared because I think I have a crush. I guess the right thing to do is to explore it, and put aside the fact that he's a man. Let the chips fall where they will.
With that said, please excuse me. I have a date to get ready for.