I was reading in another person's diary and picked up on a certain level of distress. They seem to be attracted to every member of the opposite sex that comes across their path...and some how think that's a bad thing.

Well, wait. They didn't say it's a bad thing, but I did detect the "holy crap, what's wrong with me" vibe.

I'll say this - there is nothing wrong with you. Humans are sexual creatures and when you seem someone that is physically appealing to you, it's a natural urge to want to do...things to them.

In my life I've done a 180. In high school I couldn't get a girl to kiss me to save my life. I finally started dating what turned out to be my high school sweetheart. Things started turning when I got to college. Not only did girls want to talk to me, they wanted to have one night flings. They wanted to date. I finally had sex on a regular basis, and didn't want to nail down with one person. That made people press harder. You always want what you can't have.

Now, in my "adult" life - it's not a lot different. I personally think that I'm an average to slightly above average looking person. I have a couple of traits (physically) that seem to draw girls to me. One thing that I certainly have is the ability to communicate, and on a lot of different levels.

So, what generally happens: I'm at a bar with some friends. We end up talking to a group of girls. I usually sit in the back, make the occasional comment, and then when the time is right offer my input to whatever it is that is being talked about. Having a very open mind, I've always been able to connect on a level with females that some of my friends can't.

What I've been told by female friends is that girls get a sense of "this guy gets it" when they hang out with me. I'm nice, articulate, and there is a shade of bad, bad...stay away.

Certain things I don't give a rat's ass about. I make a decent living. I drive the biggest piece of shit car in the world. But you come back to my place and it's all gravy. I dress well. I groom well. There is a difference between guys that "dress to impress" and guys that dress well out of self respect. The latter would be me.

Here's where all this becomes a problem. I always end up attracting people that I should not attract. Friends girlfriends, people otherwise attached, married co-workers.

One of my best friends is engaged and his girl is soooooooooo hot. She has always flirted with me, mostly in a "you're like a big brother" way. There was one night at a party and we were both trashed. I was waiting for the bathroom, everyone else was partying outside. The door opened and it was Kris. We chatted fir a second and she gave me a big hug. She didn't let go.

Next thing I know she's lightly biting my neck and whispering how good I smell. Kissing my neck in a not so subtle way.

I gently push her off me and tell her that I've REALLY got to go pee. She giggles and asks if I would like her to come in and help. I laugh, say yeah right, go find your man.

Now - that could be excused as harmless flirting by a really drunk girl. Obviously way over the edge flirting. Guys suck, mostly, and most guys I know would have brought her into the bathroom with them. Me? I don't think there is anything more valuable in this world than friends, and her man happens to be one the best / oldest I have.

Now, Kris - she really is into Paul. They've been together for three years, getting married this fall. I don't think she would ever cheat. For some reason, she finds that I'm "safe" in that way.

We work out at the same gym, and I saw her a couple days later. We take stairmasters next to each other and make small talk. I mention how hammered she was and this and that, she laughs and agrees. I mention "you probably don't even remember what you did to me that night."

Kris gets really quiet and stops talking. I'm thinking "great...she feels awful about it and I shouldn't have said anything."

Finally she breaks her silence. She remembers it fine, and she's sorry that she put me in that spot at that time. She loves Paul and doesn't want me to think that she would ever do anything to hurt him. But, to demonstrate the guy I am...I came to her about it and not Paul. She doesn't want to leave Paul, but she's been attracted to me forever. While Paul gets drunk and plays golf, I'm at Barnes and Noble buying books on some kind of world history. While Paul is quoting lines from American Pie at parties, I'm using passages from Shakespeare. While he's at home watching baseball, drinking, and eating hotdogs, I'm at the gym working on my health and body.

When I hug her, I hug her because I actually want that contact with her. He hugs her because he's supposed to.

Needless to say, we ended that workout and went to a coffee shop to talk. No way do I need the pressure of being Paul's best man and having his to-be bride in love with me.

In digging deeper, I find that it's not so much that she's disgruntled with Paul. She loves him very much. She thinks it's adorable how he'll put in a ten hour day at his business, come home, pour a glass of ice tea, turn on the news, and fall asleep on the couch before he even sips his tea.

Growing up, she always envisioned herself being with a guy that had more of my traits than Paul's. Someone that uses their mind more than body for work.

Now...Paul builds homes for a living. Maybe he doesn't have to be book smart to do it, but the man is brillant. One summer he needed an extra hand, so I went with him on a job. I've never seen more attention to detail in my life.

I am no smarter than Paul. Here's a man that can walk into my home and install a ceiling fan in under two hours. That would take me all day. It's a different type IQ, the ones between Paul and I. That said, I can also understand how that doesn't translate to "being smart" when it comes to talking. Someone well read generally is better at conversation. Me, I can tell you all about everything that is going on in the world. I read three newspapers every morning before 7am. Cover to cover. Paul? He thought the thing in Iraq was over.

Body wise, as hard as Paul works, he has a bit of a belly. He likes his beer and he's not a kid anymore. When we were 21 it was easy to drink and eat like a pig. Me? I stick to light beer and I work my tail off on my body. Yes, because it looks better, but also because I want to be healthy. Sound mind and body is a ticket, for me, to happiness. I run 2 miles every morning (six days a week) and I work out 5 days a week. On top of that I play tennis and other co-ed leagues.

Basically Kris told me that she wanted one night with me and no one needed to know. It wouldn't change anything. I briefly dating one of her friends, Anne, and apparently Anne went into great details with Kris about the sex between us. Kris explained that she hasn't had sex like that in years, it's to the point now where it's the same thing. Once, maybe twice a week. He starts playing with her tits, goes down on her for maybe five minutes, she goes down on him for a couple mintutes, he crawls up on her and 5 minutes of sex and it's over. She hasn't had an orgasm with Paul in six months. She relies on herself for that.

Saying no to Kris was the hardest thing I've done in a long time. I remember meeting her, I actually got Paul to talk to her. I remember being tempted to talk to her myself, but he was raving and raving about the blonde girl at the end of the bar...I hadn't heard Paul talk about a female like that for a long time. So I sent her a drink and told the bartender to tell her it was from the guy in the orange shirt...which was Paul.

Where am I going with this? Who knows. My way of expelling demons, perhaps. For three years I've secretly admired Kris from a far. More than one time I've thought about her in the bikini on this beach trips. More than once I thought to myself...why the hell didn't I say the drink was from the guy in the sweater and not the orange shirt?

And here I sit. Her big blue eyes looking at me, basically saying "let's go back to your place and fuck."

I would never forgive myself. And I'm quite sure I wouldn't be satisified with "one fuck" once it was done.

Sometimes life puts you on to a path. You can choose to fuck it all up, or accept the fact that you have to keep walking - like it or not.